Guest blog by Connie Oswald Stofko
It’s time to send out your Spring appeal. In your draft, you’ve told your readers what percentage of the American population is affected by the disease you’re trying to cure, or how many tons of groceries your food bank distributes each year. That’s the basis of a strong letter, right?
Wrong!
If all you’ve done is presented facts and figures, you’ve forgotten the most important part of your appeal letter: the emotion.
People reach out to help others because it makes them feel good, so you must reach them on an emotional level.
In an interesting paper called “The Way We Write is All Wrong,” Frank C. Dickerson, Ph.D., found that while fundraising executives acknowledged it was important to have emotional storytelling in their appeals, an analysis of the appeal letters they produced showed they didn’t actually do it. “The root of the disparity is that we all tend to take writing for granted,” Dickerson wrote. “We all can write. And we all think we can write well. Yet the evidence of linguistics analysis refutes this assumption.”
Are you using emotion in your appeal letters? Look at this example we did for the Ronald McDonald House of Buffalo:
‘If Alyssa didn’t get the surgery, she could die,’ said her mother, Crystal Arnold. ‘If the Ronald McDonald House wasn’t here, we couldn’t afford to come to Buffalo.’”
The letter continues to tell in detail how the Ronald McDonald House of Buffalo helped the out-of-town family during their visits to Buffalo to get treatment for their little girl’s medical condition.
Here’s another example we did for the Friends of Night People:
“Lynn came to us on a Sunday evening. She had no food or money, just one bag of clothing. She had no place to stay. Lynn was depressed after having spent the previous night in what she described as ‘terrible conditions.’
“She felt alone.
“The first thing we did was feed her and let her know we care. Then we found Lynn a safe place to stay until Monday morning. On Monday other human service agencies would be open and we could put her in touch with people who could also help her. We did not leave that evening until we were assured she would be able to begin her tomorrow with strength and hope.”
There are a couple of things to notice here:
1. We tell a personal story.
We didn’t say, “Many people come to Friends of Night People because they are poor and hungry.” We told the story of Lynn and put a face on the problem.
2. We explain the solution.
For the family with the little girl who needed medical treatment, the solution was staying at the Ronald McDonald House. While we do mention the girl’s health problems, that’s not the focus of the story. The focus of the story is how the Ronald McDonald House helped the family.
To tell a good story, make sure you “put a face on the problem.” Then tell your audience how their donation will help the person in your story (or people like that person).
If you’re having difficulty writing a compelling, emotional story, it may be cost effective to hire a fundraising writer to help you.
About the Author: Connie Oswald Stofko, an award-winner writer and editor, is a partner at Fundraising Assets. Sign up for her free fundraising blog, or contact her for help with your next writing project.











